My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Too much gin, very little bucket
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
