I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
