so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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