i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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