well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
