nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He had one of those small greek statue penises
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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