Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
