I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Dicks are not precious.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
