i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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