I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize