Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
