I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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