What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
