My hand turned me down
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
