he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
