uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Be still, my beating vagina.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
