Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
They are going to name an STD after you.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
