before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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