You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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