In the future we'll all be gay
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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