What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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