I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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