my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he thought i was a dude.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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