He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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