Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize