he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
