Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
