Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
love makes seman taste better
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
