I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
