Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
