Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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