Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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