But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
