My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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