You really coming over, don't trick.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
