you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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