You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
