What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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