Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
