why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
