Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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