Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
