what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
