I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
