real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
