sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
