a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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