He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
