I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
