that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
