letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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