She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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