She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
