"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
