I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So many bounce houses so little time
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Randomize
