i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
