I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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