i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
