Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
