sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
