So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
