My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
