i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
