we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
