I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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