i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
