I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
