So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
operation harelip BJ is a go
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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