One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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