i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
