my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
