i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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