I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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