Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
