You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize