sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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