there's paper in my vomit.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
