Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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