if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
