i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
